


Hold my heart (it’s beating for you anyways)

by pepigyeom



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, did i already mention i love jjp, i cant believe this, i really love jjp, i threw in some markson because why the heck not, i tried being humourous and funny please have mercy, jjp, listen this is pretty sad so dont read if u get sad too babies, seems like a the one that got away situation omg, some gay fluffy fluff as well babies no worries, this is so angsty i recommend getting some tape for ur heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepigyeom/pseuds/pepigyeom
Summary: The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> warning: i didnt proofread so if anything doesnt make sense or if there are any mistakes please bear with me !  
> anyways have fun reading this i love u all xo

Jaebum entered the dorm, his mood was lifted immediately when he saw his best friend lying on the sofa of their living room.

The latter turned around, gaze shifting from the TV to Jaebum who just closed the door. His warm smile was intoxicating to Jaebum.

He was sweetly greeted by his younger friend, arms swung around his upper body and face nuzzled in the crook of his neck. “Jaebum hyung! You’re finally back, it was honestly so boring without you.”

Jaebum felt dazed and a little too protective over the slightly smaller boy when he started talking about his very, very boring day. “Can you believe they _forced_ me to pair up with Yugyeom in dance class? I have to create a choreography with the devil himself.” Jinyoung sighed audibly when he plopped down on the sofa again.

The older male let out a small chuckle, Jinyoung seriously was the biggest drama queen he has ever known. “It can’t be too bad, eh? Isn’t he like really good? The both of you can create the best choreography then.” Jaebum tried cheering the small boy up, sitting down next to him and shifting his gaze between the black haired guy and the TV that played one of Jinyoung’s favourite movies. Jinyoung noticeably disagreed, if his frown was anything to judge by.

“Yeah, he is. But that exactly is the problem, don’t you get it? He so will play against me, sabotage me or anything.” At that, Jinyoung started listing all the things Yugyeom possibly could do to make himself stand out but sabotage Jinyoung. “Don’t you think you’re being a little mean and overreacting? I don’t see any reason why Yugyeom should do that, the both of you are amazing but that class is no competition, I thought it was to help you all improve.”

Jinyoung let out a deep sigh, clearly showing Jaebum that, _yes that exactly is the purpose of that class_ but Jinyoung still wants to be better. “Yugyeom gets so much credit all the time, I want to be complimented as well!” Jinyoung exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

If you would ask Jaebum, the scenery in front of him was the absolute cutest thing ever, Jinyoung was pouting and looking at Jaebum with a glance that said _please compliment me, I deserve it._ Jaebum was completely amazed by how small Jinyoung could seem sometimes.

“You know I compliment you all the time, shouldn’t you actually be super duper annoyed by how many compliments you’re receiving by now?” At that, both guys started chuckling and when Jaebum stood up to get himself some water Jinyoung’s concentration was back on the TV.

It was pretty fortunate for Jaebum, because that helped him not getting distracted by how nicely Jinyoung’s lips moved when he talked or how they stretched when he smiled. He also couldn’t focus on the crinkles by Jinyoung’s eyes, or the way his cheeks would turn all chubby and kissable when he pouted.

It was embarrassing even how infatuated Jaebum was by the younger, everything was fine as long as Jinyoung just wouldn’t know about his feelings.

 

A couple weeks later when Jaebum and Jinyoung went to a party, Jaebum barely could take his eyes off of Jinyoung, usually Jinyoung dressed pretty decent but that night he really exceeded Jaebum’s expectations.

It didn’t bother him _that_ much, though. He still could handle it, he learned how to control himself for several years, he even shared a dorm with the younger boy. They saw each other shirtless multiple times, so Jaebum could control it.

When Mark, a foreigner with the most annoyingly high pitched laugh (Jaebum would have thought it was cute and actually thought Mark was attractive, but he kept flirting with Jinyoung), sat down next to them and got along with Jinyoung much better than Jaebum and Jinyoung ever could have, Jaebum felt anger and jealousy rise in his guts.

The older was never a person to drink a lot of alcohol when partying, unless that night. He constantly kept asking for a refill or new drinks, finishing them before he could even say a single word.

He felt devastated, seeing Jinyoung so close to a complete stranger (okay, maybe not a stranger but they didn’t exactly know each other very well, so). Their arms were tangled and Jinyoung laughed a lot, he seemed so much loosely, less tense than Jaebum had ever seen him before.

When Jaebum had had a good amount of alcohol and Mark was currently nowhere to be found, Jaebum saw that as his chance to _tell_ Jinyoung.

His mind didn’t work as perfectly fine as he would have wished it had, but he still could let out a sound that pretty much sounded like Jinyoung’s name, the latter reacted so Jaebum assumed it worked.

He then said something along the lines “I hope you’re aware of how much I love you, Jinyoung-ah.”

The older guy was pretty sure Jinyoung caught on, his mouth was agape and a loud laugh echoed throughout the whole room, “I love you to  _mate_ ,” Jinyoung loudly and happily said.

He didn’t say it the way Jaebum had expected though, Jaebum had to let Jinyoung know that his palms were sweaty whenever they saw each other, his mind was buzzing whenever Jinyoung even lightly touched him, his heart was pounding in his chest when the smaller would playfully hold his hand and butterfies controllessly flew through his stomach whenever Jaebum laid his eyes on Jinyoung.

There was no way for Jaebum to say it without being completely honest, he knew that Jinyoung couldn’t follow him if he kept beating around the bush.

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum took his hand in his own. “I mean it.” If this didn’t help Jinyoung understand then Jaebum didn’t know what possibly could.

He needed to let Jinyoung know before he went with Mark and he never would have another opportunity. 

Perhaps Jaebum had hoped too much to get an actual response because all he received was a confused look by his best friend.

They were like this for a couple more minutes, to Jaebum it actually felt like plenty of hours.

When that time passed and Jinyoung still didn’t say anything, Jaebum thought it was simply because he was confused and shocked, so he repeated it, the alcohol inside of him definitely transferring the words out of his mouth.

“I love you more than a best friend should love his best friend, do you understand me, Jinyoung-ah?” Jinyoung looked at Jaebum’s face, no sign of his usual joking side when saying this. He looked utterly serious.

When Mark came back and sat down next to Jinyoung (way too close, actually. Not even Jaebum sat that close to him) and threw his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, he let go of Jaebum’s hand and silently turned his body towards Mark.

Jaebum would be lying if he said that action and the silence didn’t hurt him but at least he finally received a response.

The fairly drunk guy stood up, he saw something inside of Jinyoung’s eyes just then and hoped it was sorrow, he hoped it was regret. It wasn’t even that Jaebum wanted Jinyoung to be miserable, that actually was the least that he wanted, obviously he wanted his best friend to be happy.

It was his choice to confess anyways, Jinyoung never forced him. But nevertheless, it broke his heart and he couldn’t stand a single second being around the both of them.

He walked home on wobbly legs, his tears were impossible to be held back and he struggled regularly and stably breathing.

On his way back home, he wondered whether it actually would be best if he simply left their flat but he didn’t have a single friend who could actually make room for him.

Jinyoung and Jaebum were so close, it was only a matter of time that one of them fell in love with the other anyways. Nothing could have ever been able to prevent that from happening.

It was sad was what Jaebum thought when he saw the book store he usually went to to buy Jinyoung new books as surprises, or gifts because he won a competition. It was sad that there were probably no sunday mornings in which at least one of them would wake the other up with breakfast in bed, or thursday evenings where they would cuddle up on the sofa and watch their favourite drama together. Perhaps Jinyoung even made Mark his best friend that evening anyways, perhaps the reason for Jinyoung’s lack of interest in the older that day was Mark.

The thing that hurt most though was the fact that by every step and every breath Jaebum took, he was reminded of how much Jinyoung really meant to him.

Lost and drowning in self pity, Jaebum went inside of their dorm, his face felt puffy and hot, his tears didn’t stop streaming down his face and his heart was breaking and shattering into a billion pieces nonstop.

“Telling him was a mistake,” Jaebum muttered to himself as he threw himself on his bed, face first.

It took him a long time to fall asleep, he even overheard Jinyoung coming back home, whispering and receiving small high pitched chuckles as response. It tore him apart.

The next day, Jaebum didn’t even leave his room, Jinyoung didn’t ask talk to him at all.

He heard Mark’s voice multiple times that day, often he only heard his laugh though. Any other time, Jaebum perhaps would have thought it was cute but in that state he was in he couldn’t help but hope Mark would mysteriously go mute.

“Do you think he will get out today?” Jaebum overheard Mark asking, he got no response so Jaebum imagined his best friend shrugging. He felt dumbfounded, he didn’t even want to breathe anymore at that point.

Nights were the worst, because for the next week Mark was always there and he heard the TV every evening and night which made Jaebum realize he slept on their sofa.

He checked his phone so often that one second it felt so horrific to him, waiting for a message that never came, that he just shut off his phone and curled up in a _ball of sadness_ , at least that what he called it himself.

He would always want to wait for Jinyoung, that was for sure, but the fact that he didn’t even once leave his room in a week made him feel dull. Usually Jaebum was a pretty active person but he turned into a introverted, pale, weak guy in a matter of minutes only.

When he confessed his to Jinyoung, the guy never pictured it to end this badly. Finally though, he decided for the sake of his own good to leave that dorm. 

He felt relieved when he finally changed his clothes, wearing clothes that made him look even more presentable than usually. He wanted to look irresistable.

The door of his room opened only quietly, revealing Jinyoung on the sofa with Mark right next to him, so close it caused a lump in Jaebum’s throat.

“I’m going out,” his voice was smaller and much more foreign to him than he could ever imagine. He didn’t talk for a week, but he didn’t expect his voice to sound so rough and broken.

Both Jinyoung and Mark looked at him in shock, Jinyoung immediately jumped up and ran towards Jaebum. 

His heart was jumping in his chest, it was in the moment that Jinyoung hugged Jaebum that he realized he was alive.

“Please let go of me,” he let out then. It didn’t only catch Mark and Jinyoung by surprise, but also Jaebum himself. The last thing he ever wanted was Jinyoung letting go of him.

“Jaebum-hyung, I- you know that- I mean. It’s just- you know that you still..you know. You’re still my best friend.”

It killed Jaebum, it tore him apart inside, he felt like he was suffocating and couldn’t even breathe anymore. He didn’t have many panic attacks in his life, but this certainly felt like one.

“I’m going out,” the taller guy then decided to repeat and actually left. His mind didn’t work properly and if he didn’t know better himself he would think he was drunk, or on drugs.

Except for his pale face and dull expression, Jaebum did look good (he actually lost some weight due to not eating nor drinking at all) and he was glad he was blessed with piercing eyes that made everyone feel at least a bit attracted to him.

When he stepped outside of the building, it was quite dark outside already, so the black haired started walking towards a club. Perhaps he’d find someone to take his mind off of things.

 

A (pretty attractive) brunette guy was standing in the aisle surrounded by several boys and girls and Jaebum watched in awe as the boy pushed his hand inside his pocket, pretending to be looking for something. Jaebum felt his heart beating faster when the boys’ face lit up when he seemed to find what he was pretending to be looking for, pulled his hand outside- Jaebum actually chuckled at how foolish he was- and showed the crowd a finger heart.

The guy, Jaebum was certain he saw him around some day, was genuinely charming and Jaebum couldn’t help but feel completely infatuated.

 

“I saw you- eh..fooling around with a few people earlier,” _prince charming_ (Jaebum had unique nicknames for people sometimes) sat down next to him coincidentally so Jaebum simply started speaking.

“Wait were you stalking me?” the boy loudly screeched, causing Jaebum’s eyes to shoot open as wide as humanly possible. “What? Why should I do that?”

“Perhaps because you don’t look at people doing nasty stuff, and side information, you certainly don’t mention it to them afterwards. Neither that they fooled around with someone, nor that you saw them!” the boy got pretty worked up and Jaebum thought it was cute, hilarious and _very_ confusing at the same time.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m so sorry, I just thought since there were very many people around and everyone was laughing it would be- you know- fine to talk about.” Jaebum stuttered a bit in between the words, using his hands a lot.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jaebum saw the guy’s face being covered in a confused expression.

“About when you were doing the hand in your pocket looking for a finger heart thingy just a few minutes ago!” He raised his voice and looked even more confused when the guy next to him bursted into laughter.

“What? Are you okay?” The laugh was loud and cute but also very bad for his ears because it was so high pitched Jaebum didn’t even know humans were able to make sounds like that.

 “Oh my god, I’m sorry,” the guy’s laughter slowly got less each second passing and Jaebum was glad that until then he didn’t even once think about Jinyoung. “I thought you meant something completely else by _fooling around_. I’m sorry, I’m Jackson by the way!” Jaebum immediatly smiled at the foreign name.

“I’m Jaebum, it’s nice to meet you.” Jaebum imitated Jackson’s bright smile and received a drink from the brown haired male. “I feel like I’ve seen you around sometime, Jaebum! We didn’t hook up, did we?”

Jaebum shook is head and chuckled in amusement when Jackson sighed and muttered thank god. Jaebum started becoming curious so the first thing on his mind was actually speaking. “Were you born here? You have some kind of an accent going on,” he informed the other.

Jackson smiled, if you asked Jaebum it seemed like he smiled more than he thought one could actually smile- he actually radiated a lot of positivity and warmth. Jaebum really enjoyed being around Jackson.

“Actually I was born in Hong Kong, I only moved here recently.” Jaebum’s mouth was agape, he was shocked someone who has only moved there recently mastered the language already.

Saying he was impressed was an understatement. “You’re speaking the language very well, especially for those circumstances!” Jackson only giggled, he hid his face in Jaebum’s chest.

“You’re cute, Jaebum.” He blushed. If he would’ve told himself that the same day, Im Jaebum blushing, he would’ve snorted and slapped himself. But there he was, blushing because a _guy_ (who 1. wasn’t Jinyoung and 2. was actually younger than him) said he was cute. _Cute_. Jaebum couldn’t believe himself. “So are you.”

Even though he didn’t want to go back to the dorm, he let Jackson escort him and offered him to stay the night, appreciating the offer Jackson unfortunately declined. “I have to be somewhere in the morning, another time okay?” Jaebum nodded and they hugged. Jaebum felt very warm inside, he couldn’t believe they got along so well in the end.

Jackson and Jaebum were similar in many ways and he wanted to let himself get totally into what they started but there was something missing, he wasn’t Jinyoung and there was no way he could love him the way he loved Jinyoung.

When the black haired guy entered the dorm again after being out the whole evening, he expected it to be more quiet than ever, but he didn’t expect Mark still being there, cuddled up with Jinyoung on the sofa. It hurt him so much, he silently let a few tears slip down his cheeks and waited for those to dry again before closing the door noisily.

He went into his room without giving the couple only a further glance. He felt their gazes on his back when he walked- rather rushed- into his room but he didn’t turn around, he didn’t want them to see the tears that once again began streaming down his face.

He was hurt, even though he was convinced he could get over the rejection and being replaced, Jaebum couldn’t. 

They haven’t really talked in a while, they actually could if Jinyoung wouldn’t keep Mark around all the time.

The boy kept thinking about it for the rest of the night, getting no rest at all. He felt devastated, even more than the time when he locked himself in his room.

Throughout the night there were several occassions where Jaebum had flashbacks of the night he confessed to Jinyoung, he had been stupid.

He then decided for himself that he shouldn’t have told Jinyoung, but he shouldn’t get all worked up because what happened happened and he couldn’t turn back time.

While making himself some food, he texted Jackson back and forth, often letting out small chuckles at his silliness. 

Jinyoung entered the kitchen and sighed. “Jaebum-hyung?”

He ignored it.

“Hyung. Please.”

No response.

The older male thought that perhaps he shouldn’t treat his best friend like this, but at the same time he wondered if they still were best friends.

“Okay, fine,” Jinyoung huffed and left the kitched again. Jaebum felt a sting in his chest, a tear rolling down his cheek and his appetite vanishing.

Jinyoung’s love was the only thing he needed to fix him, Jinyoung was the only one Jaebum wanted and loved.

He liked Jackson, he didn’t want to use him for his own sake to forget about Jinyoung but in that moment he couldn’t help but call the Chinese.

 

They spent a lot of time together then, especially in the dorm. After the first month, Jinyoung and Mark spent very little time in the dorm since that place was then occupied by the fencer (Jaebum was so much more mesmerized by that than he would ever admit) and Jaebum himself.

His heart still ached and every day it was screaming Jinyoung’s name, even more and even louder every second that passed.

“Did you two still not talk?” Jackson asked one day, sitting on Jaebum’s lap (which was foolish, they had so much space in their living room but Jackson decided to sit down on his lap) and flicking through the TV programmes. Jaebum shrugged.

“He’s barely here, and when he comes home I’m in my room. He’s with Mark all the time.” Jackson giggled, Jaebum sighed at the younger. Now was not the time. “Hyung, why shouldn’t he be? You’re with me all the time.” Jaebum rolled his eyes and pretended to shove the younger off his lap.

“Different,” he simply muttered into the younger’s back and received a disoriented slap on his head. “How on earth is that different hyung?” Jackson sighed but then jumped up, catching Jaebum by surprise.

“I have an idea!” The fencer proudly exclaimed, running into Jinyoung’s room. Jaebum stood up and followed him fastly, trying to pull him out. “You have no right to be in here! This isn’t my room, Jackson!” Jaebum was obviously frustrated with his younger friend.

What upset Jaebum most wasn’t Jackson snooping around but the scent inside of Jinyoung’s room. It didn’t smell like Jinyoung. It smelled like Mark.

If Jaebum’s heart was shattering into even more pieces each and every day, in this moment he felt his heart completely sinking and breaking.

 

The next day, Jaebum wanted to go to the movies with Jackson- after he cried the day before because of the scent in Jinyoung’s both thought it would be an amazing distraction- so he got ready and stepped out of his room until he caught a glimpse of Jinyoung sitting in the kitchen, reading a book. A book he received from Jaebum only days before he confessed.

The older felt responsible for making his still best friend happy and decided that avoiding him wouldn’t help the other unless he said so himself, so he walked into the kitchen.

He pretended it didn’t hurt. When he stepped inside the kitchen and made himself breakfast, he pretended it didn’t sting in his chest area that Jinyoung was sitting there and they grew apart so much that not only them waking each other up with breakfast in bed but also them talking was only a memory.

He missed Jinyoung.

Jinyoung looked tired though and he felt the younger male looking at him a few times- either that or he hoped so.

When his cup was full with coffee, he decided to sit down across from the younger. He looked up and smiled warmly at his hyung.

Only then did Jaebum wonder why Jinyoung was home and not out with Mark. 

“Hyung?”

Jaebum has been so deep in his thoughts he didn’t even realize the younger closing his book or shifting his gaze to the elder.

Jaebum hummed, looking up while taking a sip of his drink.

Jinyoung played with the hem of his shirt, looking at Jaebum expectantly. “Can I ask you something?”

Jaebum nodded and placed his cup down “yeah,” his voice was rough and deeper than he intended it to be. “Where is Mark, by the way?”

Jinyoung snapped at him “how is that important to you? He’s not here.” Jaebum’s eyes widened and by the look of horror in Jinyoung’s eyes, he could tell it even caught himself by surprise.

They sighed at the same time, Jaebum slowly and quietly let a chuckle slip from his lips.

“Jaebum-hyung,” the younger boy looked so much smaller like this, breathing in to prepare himself to speak something that obviously was on his mind for a long time, wearing his glasses and a very big oversized sweater, the sleeves covering his hands that hold the book. He had never looked smaller and Jaebum could feel his heart beating faster again.

He wondered how it was possible that even after everything, the only time he truly felt alive was when he was with Jinyoung.

“My question, eh?” Jinyoung quietly muttered, Jaebum couldn’t help but let a tear slip from his eyes. Luckily the younger didn’t catch it though. “I know you, um, I know you’re over it. But how did you know. Eh, um, like. How did you know you loved me back then?”

Jaebum was caught off guard, his eyes were wider than ever and his heart was beating faster than ever.

“How did I know I love you?” Jaebum intentionally used present tense, he wasn’t over it. He couldn’t ever stop loving Jinyoung, the latter nodded and the older male cleared his throat.

“I don’t know, I don’t think there is any way I actually realized it. I guess I just always knew.”

They both chuckled.

“Like, when we were together my hands got really sweaty and my heart was beating so fast I sometimes thought it would jump out of my chest and run a marathon.” Jinyoung laughed after imagining Jaebum’s heart literally doing all that.

Jaebum was impressed and proud of himself for his voice not being too shaky yet.

“There were so many times were I just, you know, looked at you and thought _woah. I love you_. It’s always been like that, it will always stay like that.”

Jinyoung looked up as fast as he has never shifted his gaze before. “What do you mean by that?”

“By what?” Jaebum tried to hold eye contact, but only when he really looked at Jinyoung he saw how tired and small weightwise he looked, he looked miserable. “The last part.”

“It will always stay like that?” Jaebum asked for confirmation, Jinyoung’s eyes looked cold and empty but there was something else sparkling in there that Jaebum simply couldn’t make out.

Jinyoung nodded. “I mean,” Jaebum’s hands were trembling and his voice was shaky. His facade broke down and in that moment Jinyoung was able to read Jaebum just as easily as the book he closed only minutes ago.

The more time passed, the harder it got for Jaebum to let out the words. Those toxic words that have been on his mind for years.

“I mean,” he started again. “No matter how much time passes, no matter whatever happens, I have always loved you and I will always love you.” 

Jaebum swallowed.

“And I still do, I still love you.” His eyes felt heavy and his vision felt foggy but he managed to look up into Jinyoung’s eyes and he finally knew what it was that was sparkling in his eyes before.

 _Hope_.

Jinyoung sighed in relief, both of them started crying at the same time.

“You wanted to know where Mark-hyung is right?” Jaebum was confused, he wondered why Jinyoung mentioned it just then, but he nodded.

“Him and Jackson are out together,” Jaebum’s face was priceless, so before Jinyoung could continue he let out a small laugh. A breathy one that stopped the same second it started.

“Jackson talked to me, he said he was pretty interested in Mark-hyung. He then asked me whether it was fine, and in that moment I realized that that was what I’ve wanted all along.”

Jaebum was even more confused.

“Seeing you with Jackson, hearing his laugh all the time, hearing you laugh about what he said, no offense but all of that destroyed me.”

They looked each other in the eyes and Jinyoung cleared his throat again.

“That time made me realize that I actually do love you, I did all the time. I just didn’t know. Does that sound weird?” Jaebum shook his head.

For a while there was silence spreading through the room, the only sound was the clock. “I guess I got so used to how things were, I didn’t want to change anything.”

Jinyoung chuckled shortly “when you left the party that night, I started crying and told Mark. Isn’t it funny that he thought we already were a couple?”

There were tears all over Jinyoung’s cheeks but he still managed to smile brightly, the way it reached his eyes.

“I didn’t have too many complaints when you locked yourself in your room, there was food and water in front of your door every day but you didn’t open the door so I always put it away. Mark stayed over so in case you would’ve opened the door, he could inform me.” He sighed and played with the hem of his shirt again.

“But when Jackson came along, I just felt so mad! I didn’t want to share you with anyone. Even though you weren’t mine, I still felt so possessive. That’s why Mark and I barely went here anymore.”

It did make sense, but Jaebum felt so overwhelmed all those information didn’t quite reach his brain yet.

“Do you know what I’m trying to tell you hyung?” Jaebum honestly shook his head which earned him a warm smile by Jinyoung.

“I love you, Jaebum-hyung. I always have and I always will.”

There was no doubt Jaebum’s hands were shaking when Jinyoung laid his own over it from across the table, his mouth felt dry and he didn’t know what to say.

“Can I ask you two more questions?” Jaebum nodded. Again. There were no words in his mind right now that actually could leave his brain to his mouth and cause an actual sound.

“If I were about to ask you to date me, what would your response be?” Jaebum choked on his own spit, that magically reappeared for this cause only.

With wide eyes, Jaebum replied. “I would say fuck you. You’re crazy. But yes.” Jinyoung softly squeezed Jaebum’s hand that was still in his grip.

“Jaebum-hyung?” Jinyoung stood up and Jaebum followed his every move with his eyes. “Hm?” The younger crouched down in front of Jaebum.

“I’m crazy, I’m an idiot and I should go and fuck myself. I’m aware of that, and so are you. But I’m also terribly in love with you and it took me so long to realize which I’m really sorry for.”

Both of their hands were shaking Jinyoung’s nervousness reached his voice by the time he continued speaking.

“All I want to know is if you would do me a favour and allow me the honour to finally date me?” Jaebum’s heart was racing so fast, his hands were sweaty and his breath was unsteady.

He once again felt speechless so he simply nodded, threw himself off the chair and into Jinyoung’s arms.

 

They were cuddling on the sofa, watching TV and Jaebum played with Jinyoung’s hair.

If you compared this picture with one taken only a day before the party at which Jaebum confessed, the only difference you’d be able to spot would be the happiness in both their faces.

Their first kiss was on their anniversary, it wasn’t remarkably nice, both were experienced but the kiss was so sudden that there was more teeth than lips, but their second kiss was so much more filled with love and passion that the first one was forgotten.

It happened when they were in a restaurant, they finished eating and their fingers were intertwined in a way that might have caused people to wonder if they ever let go of each other. “I love you, Jinyoung-ah,” the way Jinyoung’s name rolled off the elder’s tongue made the younger feel warm and giddy inside. “I love you too, hyung.” The first to lean in has been Jinyoung.

Even after plenty time passed by, all they did was build blanket forts together and have tickle fights that turned into make out sessions.

 

Jaebum knew his heart was only beating for Jinyoung, he realized that exactly this was the reason why he only felt like he truly was alive when he was with his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> (i gift this work to kay because she's one of my favourite people ever walking this earth, also jaebum should come collect her asap!)  
> thank u guys for reading id be really pleased if you enjoyed it! this has (by far) been my longest work ever and ive spent like 7 hours writing this oops!  
> anyways, the ending isnt the best but i love jjp nevertheless and you should as well.  
> i love you all i hope youre staying warm and taking good care of yourself cuties. i love u!


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